I will start making better decisions, tomorrow.

Tonight I will watch video clips about cults and compounds, in an attempt to escape my own lack of perspective.

I am such a hypocrite.

In a atypical attempt at optimism,

a list of things that are good:

1. A family full of strong matriarchs - and in particular my Mother who will listen to rants,

most unreasonable

2. Mubarak stepping down, finally

3. Moving to a new place where I have no history

What do I say if I am not complaining?

"He thought each memory recalled must do some violence to its origins.

As in a party game. Say the words and pass it on. So be sparing.

What you alter in the remembering has yet a reality, known or not.

- The Road

Henry Darger

I want to be a Vivian Girl.

oh terrible place.

have decided that everyone dislikes me because it is better than thinking that life moves on without me. it is working. so is gin gin gin.

I am not a regular anywhere anymore (and therefore am comprising compromising lists):

Violet - Hole

Atlantis - Donovan

Here Comes a Regular - The Replacements

Really would like to escape, please.

see Fast Car as performed by Xiu Xiu

Cannot sleep. Completely fixated on ridiculous assumptions that I am making about history. Panic has struck though me that I have made a perilous decision standing at my bookcase. Why didn't I try all the million times? FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF I need to sleep but I am thinking of person who I have not seen in so long....and am unlikely to ever see again.....regret is a horrible thing in the early morning when one should be sleeping. F.f.Ff.f.f.f.f.f.f.f.f.f.ff.f.f.f.f.f.f.f

Clearly I have gone mad.