my back is done. too much shoveling and falling down.
i equals clumsy.

"There are many strange legends in the Amazon.
Even I, Lucas, have heard the legend of a man-fish."
-Creature from the Black Lagoon

listening to grizzly bear album that is alternately good
or mediochre when i listen to it...but when its good
its really good and when its mediochre it is not horid,
so yeah....

the snow is really deep here.
there is nothing like being forced
to stay inside to rouse up all kinds of
crazy thoughts.
and yet i am creatively barren.

i am listening to grizzly bear album right
now which may be exacerbating my mood.

Values
by Georgia Douglas Johnson

All the pretty baubles spread
Are not the answer to my need,
These tinseled trappings but beguile
This journeying, while deep withen
A want unspeakable resides,
That throbs and throbs unceasingly, --
So hungering, -- no banquet spread
Can tempt it, and no golden wine
Make it forget: I balance it --
The world flies upward in the scale!
Always, unsoothed, unquieted,
It aches and aches across the days
And scars the nights that sum my life.

oh how the tv titilates
with seemingly tactless pumping
red.
green.
blue.
red.
mouths agape
viewers are held
detainees
in an ausiovisual orgy
of enticing images
sexy sexy sexy

i want to feel
but know moments later its okay
i want it to be real
but not mine.

i hate that i cannot spell. i blame technology.

on one hand i want to be self loathing right now
yet i also enjoy open hostility...it's too difficult to
choose just one...

home just isnt my home, either of them.

i am just going to be an asshole from now on.

ugh...my poetry f-ing sucks...

recent experiences numbered
for no reason other than order:
1. kissing drunk but slightly douchey boy (good)
2. imagining love affairs (very good)
3. watching natural born killers for the first time (very good)
4. sitting outside at three in the morning looking up (very good)
5. vomiting outside the "everythings a dollar store" (bad, yet funny)
6. creating false sense of holiday spirit (good)

music- i am so only listening to etheral electronica right now.
i am so deep.

christmas=death

i am exasperated.
i hate, i hate, i hate but i love.

fuck my sentamentalism.
i m pretty sure its killing me.

{i am north}
{i am gone}

wecome to hades.

everything just keeps circling around like a drunk.

album that expresses my current emotional state best:
linda ronstadt-heart like a wheel

i am married to the sea.