listening to devotchka and thinking about the boy next door.

i have all ready made so many mistakes.

+lover's spit & i'm still your f-- by broken social scene

this image is misleading because there is no snow in it.

so i always thought cannibalism was funny in a kind of
disturbing way...
after really understanding what happened to the donner
party i am not laughing...at least for now.
i am thankful that i missed the whole covered wagons era
its a lot more reality than i am used to...

i am now really creeped out and i have to sleep

on a happier note i have discovered the fabulousness of
dusty springfield

my back is done. too much shoveling and falling down.
i equals clumsy.

"There are many strange legends in the Amazon.
Even I, Lucas, have heard the legend of a man-fish."
-Creature from the Black Lagoon

listening to grizzly bear album that is alternately good
or mediochre when i listen to it...but when its good
its really good and when its mediochre it is not horid,
so yeah....

the snow is really deep here.
there is nothing like being forced
to stay inside to rouse up all kinds of
crazy thoughts.
and yet i am creatively barren.

i am listening to grizzly bear album right
now which may be exacerbating my mood.

Values
by Georgia Douglas Johnson

All the pretty baubles spread
Are not the answer to my need,
These tinseled trappings but beguile
This journeying, while deep withen
A want unspeakable resides,
That throbs and throbs unceasingly, --
So hungering, -- no banquet spread
Can tempt it, and no golden wine
Make it forget: I balance it --
The world flies upward in the scale!
Always, unsoothed, unquieted,
It aches and aches across the days
And scars the nights that sum my life.

oh how the tv titilates
with seemingly tactless pumping
red.
green.
blue.
red.
mouths agape
viewers are held
detainees
in an ausiovisual orgy
of enticing images
sexy sexy sexy

i want to feel
but know moments later its okay
i want it to be real
but not mine.

i hate that i cannot spell. i blame technology.

on one hand i want to be self loathing right now
yet i also enjoy open hostility...it's too difficult to
choose just one...

home just isnt my home, either of them.

i am just going to be an asshole from now on.

ugh...my poetry f-ing sucks...

recent experiences numbered
for no reason other than order:
1. kissing drunk but slightly douchey boy (good)
2. imagining love affairs (very good)
3. watching natural born killers for the first time (very good)
4. sitting outside at three in the morning looking up (very good)
5. vomiting outside the "everythings a dollar store" (bad, yet funny)
6. creating false sense of holiday spirit (good)

music- i am so only listening to etheral electronica right now.
i am so deep.

christmas=death

i am exasperated.
i hate, i hate, i hate but i love.

fuck my sentamentalism.
i m pretty sure its killing me.

{i am north}
{i am gone}

wecome to hades.

everything just keeps circling around like a drunk.

album that expresses my current emotional state best:
linda ronstadt-heart like a wheel

i am married to the sea.

fuck you television

rrrrrrggggggg..........

be ++positive++
shit.

"She said, I know what it's like to be dead. I know what it is to be sad."

sometimes i fantisize about punching you in the balls.
[sorry]

Love To You by The Beatles
Tomarrow Never Knows by The Beatles

the air is getting cooler...
fall
the fairest of the seasons

i am not even really sure what
i am trying to accomplish anymore...
so far i have mainly just made an
ass of myself...i have a knack for that.

fall into reason songs:
red by okkervil river
fairest of the seasons by nico
i wish i was a girl by counting crows
minute mix I-IV by dj shadow
wada no tad by lata mangeshkar

{ }

how's the weather underground?

i swear i am starting to hallucinate.
(hahaha, that's well worded)

the boulder/denver drive in the wee hours
is always nice.
heater up. windows down.
nights like this there is much to review
i hope this the beginning of good

i want to be deep right now.
say something profound about the crescent moon
and life but
i have nothing but bad metaphors

Melt With You by Modern English
(you can even leave your boots on)

"this heart's on fire."

my subconcious only gets stranger when
i am back in my old bedroom.
my imagination gets the best of me.

mom and i covered all the major topics
(environmentalism, religion [Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Paganism]
feminism, homoeroticism as it pertains to America's Got Talent, ect.)
and I have only been home since three.
we really should run something, like America.

we built this city on some bullshit (not on rock and roll)

Tree House by Shel Silverstein

A tree house, a free house,
A secret you and me house,
A high up in the leafy branches
Cozy as can be house.

A street house, a neat house,
Be sure and wipe your feet house
Is not my kind of house at all-
Let's go live in a tree house.

Time of the Season by The Zombies

let's ignore the obvious.

i cannot stand another year of holding my breath.
my face is turning bluish gray.
not hot.

my posse is leaving town.
[sadness.]

boo yeah elliot smith

what weird world wavers
wonders
with whimsy
when
wishful words
went wanting
why would we
will women wandering
walking wayward
writhing wildly
while widow's weep
wasted wilting willows
wearing wisdom's wars
wholly
unholy

i think i am going to throw up.

my blog is lame. dammit.

[insert a poem about lust, lonliness and love lost]
i just cannot write lately because i know where it
will lead.

i better just listen to belle & sebastian and think
about the boy with the boots.
and peter fonda.

nice afternoon.

"you think she is an open book but you
don't know which page to turn to..."-cake

i must see the trip soon!

xanadu is offically complete
veronica vaughn marked it out as ours.
now i am never coming out again.

songs for putting one foot in
front of the other:
Demon Days by Gorillaz
Noah's Ark by CocoRosie
Bleed Forever by Super Furry Animals
perhaps a little bad techno too...
(i can't resist)

new space is good.

how does so much happen so fast and yet remain unchanging?

i am going to have nightmares about vincent price tonight.

i hate summer.

umm...yeah...
lets just say
my mood is greatly improved

see The Life Pursuit by Belle & Sebastian

i've fallen and i can't get up.

i swear i am hearing things since last night.
fucking subconcious.

for an Irishman i am not very lucky...

the fanatic by felony

watch out. i think i may really be on to
something here.

"Do you have any techo...or reggae?"

black to blue
the morning swells
greeting the staary eyes
of night
bleeding through
comes the day
blanketing with heat
as we walk these streets
suffering sweats
and breathing the sweet
until dusk
again again
breathes cool inbetween the trees
and night falls hard
like death
to silence these streets

i miss you too billy...
-wyatt

"Im gonna wash that man right out of my hair."
seriously this time.

i have totally killed my body this week
like dead.

i've gone a little manic.
i'd rather be having a danceparty.

rain. rain. rain.
it puts me in a dangerous mood.

"Bush is GOD
Hippies=Death"
-written on a table in the library
(what was this person doing in
the library?)

(songs for long pursuits that are
wrought with tension and almost
completely composed of words
that mean more than one thing)
Caroline by MC Solaar
Strawberry Fields by the Beatles
Alanson, Crooked River by Sufjan Stevens
Sister by Sufjan Stevens
(good for contemplation)

mouths
who would have thought?

life remains bizarre
yet does not seem to progress

im falling asleep....

don't worry its all a storybook!
(okay its probably more like a bad indie movie)

no seriously what the fuck am i doing.
thinking entirely too much

why are there so many thumping noises coming
from my living room?

You Are a Light by Pavement
Dog in the Sand by Frank Black and the Catholics

f i wish i could write words that could convey
what i am thinking right now but it is entirely vague
and disconnected and involves many thoughts
that probably would not exist was it not for Elliot Smith
and my lack of direction

BONITA!
Happy Birthday Jamcat!

home
where the head doesn't hurt as much

[thinking of the last day of summer 1996
and contemplating the strange nature of
existence]
we layed awkwardly
side by side
in the grass
afraid to move
so close
the hairs on your arm
soft on my skin
so still
barely breathing
as if stillness
could stop time from happening

Naked as We Came by Iron and Wine
Black by Okkervil River

Year in Review:
Here Comes Your Man by Pixies
I Should Have Cheated by Keisha Coles
TGIF by Le Tigre
Sexy Boy by Air
I've Seen All Good People: Your Move by Yes
Lady Sings the Blues by Billie Holiday
This Side of the Blue by Joanna Newsom
Suicide Life by Eels
Come See the Duck by Deerhoof
Looks Just Like the Sun by Broken Social Scene
Janine by Soul Coughing
Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap

drunk.
mmm...i want to go for breakfast

and sleep.

fuckshitfuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
ugh

the rain just does me in.

the soul
a highly combustable
treacherous sea
that sings like la
and killing brutal
leaves you cold
but not moved

"hey."
-stranger who yelled at
me in denver then recognized me
in boulder than decided to say hello

Robert Smith understands everything.

sing to me, nico

i am acting a fool

"My vagina is pissed..." -The Vagina Monologues

i woke up: angry
there was stomping and yelling
and angry hand gestures

i was raging against the machine

the man's hand is heavy
on the back of my neck
a sweaty grip
that heats my entire body hot

its going to rain. i hope. so that improves things.

the real question is what is ceiling wax and
what the hell does that have to with
puff the magic dragon?
(that song makes me want to cry.
such a sad story.)

hits from the bong by cypress hill
a le tigre dance party is in order

thank goodness for fiction.

[spasms of affection]
followed by bitter mutterings
made under my breath

"were you waiting and waiting
all night for something that was never
gonna happen..."

Wada No Tad by Lata Mangeshkar
i think im back on my Led Zeppelin
"That's the Way" kick

i'm smiling.

[spasms of affection]

a lot occured today:
started the day with a fuck up
continued to function at a low level
(late to class ect.)
struck off into Lakewood adventure
saw the house on Independence
then lost the tournament
but to decided to press on
down Colfax
hot
to Broadway
hot
to the office to see JamJam
hot
home
to the carnival
on top of the ferris wheel
above lights above hope
and home again home again
all while the moonman
burnt
troubled by thought

Heart is on Fire by Wolf Parade

"I love you but without hope." The Portrait of a Lady

same as it ever was.
same as it ever was.
same as it ever was.

iamdefinatelylosing.
imayevenbelosing it.
shit.

electriclightlove
pulses with increasing intensity
and then stops suddenly
bluelightaffection
moves and breaks
the bones of the heart
shuffling its feet
while weilding a knife

fuck youi dream about you anyway

the awesomeness of country dinner playhouse
can not be explained

"Ok stop, I feel like I'm watching regional theatre
you guys. God am I in the Cleveland Playhouse or
something? Your craft is a muscle, you need to
excersise it. Take a break, think about what
you've done."
Wet Hot American Summer (2001)

yea washington days.
i refuse to get out of bed.

i'm hibernating.
this weather does something to me.
its good.

sooooooo......

more bathroom monsters

i wouldn't mind this night over and over and over again.
this rain.
static electricity.
spooky.

"What if it were all to change like i thought it would."
-Magic Numbers

The Way Things Go by The Octopus Project
(repeat. still perfect.)
Today by Jefferson Airplane
(repeat agian. that good.)

who needs sleep?

(i wish this year would be done so i could move
on to the part where life makes sense:
hahahahahahahahahaha)

Never Ending Math Equation by Modest Mouse
The Clap by The Unicorns
Love In A Trashcan by The Ravonettes
Universe and U by KT Tunstall
In My Life by Johnny Cash
Personal Jesus by Johnny Cash

ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff.

i have no direction.
and the ghosts are calling.

the trees seethe
as night begins
and the wind runs
and the branches shutter
as if they might break

i may stay in the woods forever.

i am thinking about a lot of things,
i will articulate none.

You know Billy, we blew it. -Easy Rider
(i love you Peter Fonda)

for fixations that refuse to die
(it doesn't help when you do that...):

Cigarettes and Red Vines by Aimee Mann
Susanne by Weezer
Sandalwood by Lisa Loeb
(wow.)
Only in Dreams by Weezer:

"You walk up to her.
Ask her to dance.
She says hey baby, I just might take a chance.

You say its a good thing.
That you float in the air.
[in the air.]
Up where theres no way I will crush
Your pretty toenails into a thousand pieces."

i love it here...
i miss the sound...
the rain somehow improves everything.

maybe if i worked for corporate america
i would be more well adjusted like you.
apparently i have been going about every-
thing all wrong.

life, catastrophe, life, catastrophe, life...
i am relying entirely on my memory's way
of distorting everything so that it means
something...

my idealism is gone but it's never too late
to be dilusional

"It's okay. I'll spank you later."
(wow. perhaps the heavy acid experimentation
killed his verbal inhibition...i think its safe to say
that i won't forget to do a pickup ever again)

Lolitapop Dollhouse by Kahimi Karie
Mary Jane by Janis Joplin