am recluse again. using books as coasters. diligently speaking to mirror.

I am close to some type of break, whether it be descent or incline has yet to be decided.

having feelings but one's that are not useful. just terribly distracting and cause me to well with regret.

memories of things that most likely didn't happen the way i remember them but still make me swoon:

peach, plum, pear - joanna newsom

moving - kate bush

it was a wonderful musical affair....

Not sleeping, listening to swan lake.

Will imagine that it is raining and I have something that I am fixated on.

Please something, happen soon.

Current Negative Proclivities:

1. Television.

2. Anxiety

3. Self doubt

4. Drinking and puzzles

had a lovely dream last night. sigh and swoon. feel much better even though it was not real.

return to hot chicken - yo la tengo

If I had to say one nice thing about death it would be that dirt smells nice and if I had to smell something for a long time dirt would be a lovely choice.

please, see:

Here She Comes Now - Velvet Underground

Thank You For the Days - The Kinks

Hearts of Iron - Handsome Furs

Where Angels Go Trouble Follows - Tommy Boyce & Bobby Hart

Echo in Your Mind - Susan Christie

There is doom heavy hanging with the garland.

Perhaps it is just the guilt of someone that is being taught life

lessons that they are unable to grasp, still.

but oh thank you velvet underground.

A surprising number of human beings are without purpose, though it is probable that they are performing some function unknown to themselves. - Picnic at Hanging Rock

see:

ashley by the dodos

for emma by bon iver

emily by john cale

suzanne by leonard cohen

i am a lone wolf.

same as it ever was.

I find it difficult to reach a froth anymore.

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We Real Cool - Gwendolyn Brooks

We real cool. We

Left school. We

Lurk late. We

Strike straight. We

Sing sin. We

Thin gin. We

Jazz June. We

Die soon.

*******I love that poem. I am pretty sure it has saved my sanity on several separate occasions.

see Shift (Circlesquare Remix) - Grizzly Bear