today was a feces tornado of disaster
it ended okay though...

veronica hates me and i hate myself
because i still haven't finished harry potter...

anne waldman is fucking awesome.

i would further articulate
or discuss other matters
but i am falling asleep...

once again i am left without words to explain my
current state. thank goodness, my imagination is fun.
i am trying to learn something, anything.

(repeats included, i'm sure)
in a jar by dinosaur jr.
rusted guns of milan by art brut
sirustar by deerhoof
merge grizzly bear

"Nobody friggin' knew that there are times when my life has been on the precipice of death!"-grizzly man

wow.
even cynics have their good days.


listening to whipped cream and other delights
also
maximo park

asleep and shit.

oh dear.

life is v. well.
i won't elaborate past listing this weekend:
1. um, yeah
2. best worst garage sale ever
3. sleeping for 12+ hours and
having disturbing and pleasent
dreams.
4. painting and watching movies
5. barbecuing and sitting outside

"It's probably just as well. I plagiarized most of it from James Joyce.
You probably wondered why all the references to Dublin. "
-Crimes and Misdimeanors

listening to:
broken social scene

owl are you doing?

i was going to list what happened today but
it would really be better as a narrative.

walkabout photos.

uh-oh,
i am feeling a lot of feelings right now.
parle vous francais?
no.

question best pertaining to my current
thought process: is this okay?

i walked around in the forest today
everything is okay under trees
it smells good
nature just makes sense

sometimes i wish i didnt have to talk
or when i did talk something else would
come out

ugh sad sad sad
its almost hilarious
hopefully it will become hilarious
when i am old and i know what its like
to be really sad

(i am a barrel of laughs in real life, seriously)

"There's glass between us. You can't deal with my infinite nature can you?" - I heart huckabees

everything is so strange
in a good way.

i have three words:
more fake blood.

i think i only like to write poems
about night:
the street sighs
as the night continues
and the music plays
cool cool
wordless sound
playing concurrently
with the sound of night

oh nighttime is to be spent alone
willing the conscious mind deeper in
through caverns of intention
which are best understood
after an arbitrary conversation
with a stranger
interpreted after lights go out

what is this night made of?
this night is organic product
mixed with the metal of man.

+(((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))):::::::::::::::::+

rainy day
really attempting to gather my life
into one basket that doesn't have any holes
in it.

i can't explain everything that has been happening
lately but a lot of it has been awesome.

"I’ma shake you off though
Get up on that horse and
Ride into the sunset
Look back with no remorse"
-cocorosie

how do i explain the events of the last 23 years to anyone let alone myself?
future me is so pissed.

effigy.

creepy cool abandoned pool by my house

no i am not thinking about it.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Indie boys are neurotic
makes my eyes bleed
tight black pants exotic
some loving is what i need

But hey
I'm startin to feel okay
Lucky number nine
hooray
-from lucky number nine
by the moldy peaches

Oh, the green grass
grows everywhere
thick & sweet
like skin
green, green, green,
tall & slender stalks
shouldering buxom blades

Oh, the green grass
is growing from every corner
shooting in tufts
out of crooks & cracks
of rocks stacked into walls
pushing through
the smallest of spaces

Oh, the green grass
grows
in such beautiful patterns.
-me

summer, summer, summer.

dandilions are everywhere
with bitterswet pungence.

"I dream of jeanie
then fucking her obscenely."
- written in study booth in arts
and architecture library

cigerette
finally,
like happiness
i gave in.

(listening to broken social scene and
freaking out about how good it is.)

i have nothing to write really.
ugh.

that one, he's a tall drink of water.

sometimes i wonder....
about a lot of things.
i am full of thoughts...i am thought full.

i almost forgot what today was.
and then i remembered and i wish i hadn't.
f.

working.
reading.
writing.

everything is abloomin.

veronica vaughn hates the rain but i like her anyway.

i have failed to do anything yet today.
i just want to listen to sad songs and write bad poetry.
i have many other things to write but i don't know how
to explain them.
oh life, i can't articulate you, even to myself.

everything looks better when its wet:
as you said by tortoise
take a look at my girlfriend by supertramp
dinner bells by wolf parade
the district sleeps alone tonight by the postal service
punks in the beerlight by silver jews
(i love you to the max.)

its okay to hate your job...

the air smelled so good today.
like nature. dirt & trees & grass & rain.
and
i think i saw a ghost.
fuck, i'm all aflutter.

listening to:
black moth super rainbow

ugh...why can't i help myself.
kant was unfair, that did me in.
plus everything else which is nothing to anyone but me.
its always so close and yet so far.

today i
saw a snake dangling from the beak of a flying bird.
i wish i new what that meant.

recently, i have dreamt the strangest things.
i don't what they mean either...
i am sure its deep.


listening to broken social scene and shadow by cloud cult.
(a little chris isaak too but i don't really
like to talk about it)

(eyes close).

not sleeping.

i feel like an island.

have i run out of things to write?
terrifying.
i have many problems that i have made
and then made impossible.
they are starting to collect in the corners
of my mind and clog shit up.

um...i need to stop thinking.

"Being a woman is so hard
that only a woman could do it."
-said by a Dutch woman who no
doubt had many confusions all her own.

friday:
kiss, kiss, kiss, by ono with peaches
heard you got action by pony up!
i know what boys like by the waitresses
wasted and ready by ben kweller

i am distracting myself.
{mostly}

saturday:
in other words by ben kweller
young liars by tv on the radio
something wicked by british sea power

hungover but gloating.

sunday:
family tree by ben kweller
take me down by smashing pumpkins
i'm not in love by 10cc

had a vivid dream about a double headed snake,
i am afraid to know what it means.
i watched ben-hur, it is brilliant.

today:
the murder mystery by the velvet underground
when u love somebody by fruit bats

thin man + denver diner
beer and then breakfast.
genius, really.

{sleeping}

me quemo.

i am going upward on a tulmultuous inner journey.
i wish i could express it in a drum solo.

snakes and martyrs by tv on the radio
chinese translation by m. ward

suddenly, my life is eventful.

i am listening to chopin for young lovers

looked at the post from 3/20 last year.
it was snowing.
not now, i have been laying out in the sunshine all week.
unfortunately i am attempting to write for class.
that is dismal.
and due tonight.
fucking structralists.
shit.
i am happy despite it though.
i am in a conquering mood.

listening to Kate Bush-Hounds of Love (album)

"I just know something good is going to happen. I don't
when." - Kate Bush

"I'm nostalgic for conversations I had yesterday. I've
begun reminiscing events before they even occur. I'm
reminiscing this right now. I can't go to the bar because
I've already looked back on it in my memory... and I
didn't have a good time."-kicking and screaming

i cannot tell if i am making progress in my
attempt to become a functional person.
that may be a bad sign...

the sun, however, has reinvigorated me.
i am full of ideas and
i can't sleep. shocking.
i should clean my room but sadly i lack
motivation. shit has piled up not only in
my room but in the living room as well.
i think my shit may be trying to eat the house
which is disconcerting yet i am unmoved.

summertime in the LBC by warren g.
your woman by white town
guilty cubicles by broken social scene
pretty (ugly before) by elliot smith

"it starts stopping when it starts stopping.
it starts stopping when it starts stopping.
it starts stopping when it starts stopping.
it starts stopping when it starts stopping.
it starts stopping when it starts stopping."
-ben kweller

oh how i love rainy days.

i am alive and drinking beer. -charles bukowski

my favorite tree in boulder.
unfortunately located outside someone's house.
i can only stare at it from the sidewalk like a creeper.

trouble,
torture,
on a sunny day.
i'm back to making vain assumptions
and fantisizing.

i feel like i might explode...
or spontaneously catch fire.

songs to listen to while you look in
the mirror dreamingly and brush your hair:
stephanie says by velvet underground
bright as yellow by mazzy star
car crash by cloud cult