maybe if i worked for corporate america
i would be more well adjusted like you.
apparently i have been going about every-
thing all wrong.

life, catastrophe, life, catastrophe, life...
i am relying entirely on my memory's way
of distorting everything so that it means
something...

my idealism is gone but it's never too late
to be dilusional

"It's okay. I'll spank you later."
(wow. perhaps the heavy acid experimentation
killed his verbal inhibition...i think its safe to say
that i won't forget to do a pickup ever again)

Lolitapop Dollhouse by Kahimi Karie
Mary Jane by Janis Joplin

dizzy & sick
in my mind
we are spinning
under the grainy tones of 8mm
my cup for you
is full
but i swarm
solemnly around
you
my hands
grasping at your limbs
grazing
as i rise & fall
& tumble in circles
around my happy hallucination
my cup is full for you
my cup is full
i cannot stop moving
i am mute
nauseous & mute
i spin
your face blurs
and jumps
my cup flows over
iamfullpastfull
with your face
your words pushing
out
my edges
i am mute
when i see you
fly by
i am mute
but i cannot be
contained.

"One way or another, the bleeding always stops." -family saying

i didn't think i was going to make it at one o' clock,
but i did.

good moments of today:
1. talking to my mom on the phone
(its amazing that she can put up with
my crazy babbling for so long)
2. watching Apocalypse Now documentary
in class
3. finding money in my purse (thank
goodness for my poor memory)
4. bicycle!
5. early morning dreams (lovely)

even my pessimism can't kill that...

what ways there are
to reach!
in this life
we must only grasp
for anything
as we fall to our feet.

alone again, naturally by Gilbert O'Sullivan
if i could talk i'd tell you by the lemonheads
stars and sons by broken social scene

ps habib, i'm excited you are coming home!

(i'm alive and well thank you)

Sunday:
Take It Easy (Love Nothing) by Bright Eyes
Billie by Pavement
Ta Det Lugnt by Dungen
Come Pick Me Up by Ryan Adams
(it's breaking my heart)

there is nothing like a good storm...
mmm...tree smells...

"Once, off the hump of Brazil I saw the ocean so darkened with blood it was black and the sun fainting away over the lip of the sky. We'd put in at Fortaleza, and a few of us had lines out for a bit of idle fishing. It was me had the first strike. A shark it was. Then there was another, and another shark again, 'till all about, the sea was made of sharks and more sharks still, and no water at all. My shark had torn himself from the hook, and the scent, or maybe the stain it was, and him bleeding his life away drove the rest of them mad. Then the beasts got to eating each other. In their frenzy, they ate at themselves. You could feel the lust of murder like a wind stinging your eyes, and you could smell the death, reeking up out of the sea. I never saw anything worse... until this little picnic tonight. And you know, there wasn't one of them sharks in the whole crazy pack that survived."
-The Lady from Shanghai

ugh...
luck,
how it comes out of nowhere.

i want everything to not be this anymore...

grey ice water+alone down there by modest mouse

this is not my beautiful house

somehow i am back where i began
but also ahead...

therearetoomanypropernounsinmylife

today by jefferson airplane

"everything was beautiful and nothing hurt."
-k.vonnegut

i'm a miner for a heart of gold.
(harmonicas are the most underrated
instrument ever...)

why is everyone smiling?

i am overwhelmed.

today by jefferson airplane

"i am an emotional creature."

madness on so many levels.

"ok let's have some taxi cab
confessions..."
f that cabbie...

many more adventures to
come...

and the plot thickens...

words of love by the mamas and the papas
(i missed some good musical decades)

remember what the doormouse said:
FEEDYOURHEADFEEDYOURHEAD
FEEDYOURHEADFEEDYOURHEAD

fuck.

there has been a resurgence(where do they come from?)and i
am overwhelmed.

songs for thinking about the same
person that you have been thinking
about for a long time:
1. only love can break your heart
by neil young
2. your ex-lover is dead by stars
3. close your eyes by chemical brothers
with the magic numbers

rocky mountain high colorado.

from Anne Waldman's Fast Speaking Woman

I'm the night woman
I'm the terrible-night woman
I travel to steal your lover
to steal your food, to take your words

I'm the day woman
I'm the doll woman
I'm the dew woman

Day woman mends & organizes
Doll woman sits & stares
Dew woman is moist to the touch

I'm the Amogasiddhi woman
I'm activity demon
I wait for him
I walk away
Busy woman to light up the day!
Don't touch me I'm hurrying hurrying

the colors saturate deep
and a love song plays
sad then happy
then sad
crisp
yellow orange stiffens against the green
sweet grass
a smell both
wet and sweet
and then
all of nature
is a song of unending redemption.

orson welles=a hottie

tonite was v.g.
(as well as last night and
this morning)

they even played three six mafia...

i am going to stop. now. seriously.

your stocism is not convincing.

the subtle sigh made me do it
the subtle sigh...

why am i so fucking a-w-k awkward?

I could not explain anything even if i tried really hard.
well maybe pants off dance off...
for some reason burlesque dancers wearing
unicorn heads just make sense.

get money by junior M.A.F.I.A.

excerpt from Wolf Eyes by Joanna McClure
A woman was
Destroyed by
Wolf love

I give thanks
For my
narrow escape.

(theme? who the fuck knows...)

true colors by cyndi lauper
freaks of the industry by digital underground
romantic call by patra feat. yo-yo
jah jah love (in the morning) by mikey dread
moving by kate bush

maybe she really is a lesbian kitty...

"I never said he was a good person, but he is good to me."